Meet the Family
by rbsschess
Summary: Edward needs a financee to take home to his family so he places a Craigslist as. Bella loses a bet and is forced to answer an ad. My entry to part II of the Craigslist Contest. I didn't win anything but I had fun with their banter. Thanks for reading.


Contest: Twilight of Craigslist ONE-SHOT Contest (Part II)

FFN profile web address: u/1799158/rbsschess

FFN Link to ad that prompted one-shot: s/7453186/1/July_4th_Party_Weekend

Title: Meet the Family

Rating: M

Word Count: 2,893

Summary: Edward needs a fake fiancée for the weekend. Bella loses a bet. Perfect.

Character and/or Pairing: E/B

Warnings and Disclaimer(if applicable): I do not own Twilight or its characters.

BPOV

Fake fiancée needed for weekend in the Hamptons. Cash reward. (Seattle)

Date: 2011-10-10, 12:18

Reply to: futurehusband

Due to a family reunion of sorts over the July 4th weekend and my ability to lie out of my ass at my family, I require the company of a female willing to act as my fiancée.

A little about me: I am a medical student studying in Seattle. I don't have a girlfriend or a fiancée, despite my family's beliefs. I just wanted to stop their phone calls and looks of pity whenever I went home alone. "He'll find someone one day" would be my mother's favorite phrase which I hope to never hear again, which is why I made you up.

Required attributes:

- Must be willing to stay in a home with seven adults and three children. No, the children are not mine nor will I expect you to announce a surprise pregnancy, I'm in enough shit already.

- Shyness would be a desired quality. Less chance of over acting on your part and chest pains on mine.

- I told them you're brunette, if you aren't I can provide the appropriate shade of hair dye.

- No drunks, my mother has that covered already.

- No drugs. My father is a doctor and my brother is a cop. I don't need my fiancée being arrested and/or od'ing during meet the family.

- No fear of fireworks. It is July 4th.

- Must be a four or above in a scale of one to ten in looks. I need to make this as believable as possible.

Your Rewards:

- A weekend away in an idyllic home in the Hamptons.

- Travel funds provided.

- $5,000 awarded to you if the weekend is successful. Success will be judged upon how many times my sister insists on dressing you up and/or offering to build us both a home. Trust me.

- A handsome, intelligent, funny, and serious fake fiancé for one weekend.

- Extra "fiancé duties" can be provided upon request and level of realisticness. IE: No foot rubs during dinner but acceptable before bed.

Please only serious applicants and those over 21, alcohol consumption will be a necessity during this period and again, brother is a cop.

"Oh. My. God. Bella, this is it. This is the one you have to answer." Angela, my supposed best friend squealed at me.

"No way, the guy must be a total loser. First, he insists that the girl must be a four or above and yet he has reposted this ad three times. Yeah, total loser. Second, in the six months since the first ad he had time to get himself a real fiancé."

"Uh-huh Bella, you lost the bet and as the winner I get to pick which weird ad you must respond to you."

"You cheated Ang, Ben helped you, and that is the only reason you won." I had been arguing that point for days.

"I was there as a witness when the bet was agreed to Bella, she didn't cheat. No one ever said you couldn't use outside help, it isn't her fault she is married to a computer geek." Jessica said through her laughter. I threw a pillow at her.

"Fine," I huffed. "But I'm not taking this guy's money, that would be wrong when I don't need or want it."

"Maybe you should take it and consider it hazard pay in case he is a loser and the weekend sucks." Angela offered, as she created a new g-mail account for me.

"I'm fairly sure it will suck regardless, let's just get this over with." I mumbled as I created a screen name to respond to the guy. He had better not be a creeper or handsy. In his ad he sounded liked he wanted to get laid all weekend.

_To: future husband_

_From: I lost a bet_

_I think the screen name says it all, I lost a bet and am responding to your ad. You do realize the 4__th__ of July is less than a month away, don't you? Not a lot of time to get to know each other._

_Are you sure you want a woman? You mentioned no surprise pregnancy but then asked for a handsome fiancé. Guys are handsome, women are pretty, beautiful or hot. I'm female so if you are looking for a male you should have been more specific. You also didn't say how old you are, maybe you're a Doogie Howser type or older needing to repeat your internship a few times. I'm 25 and my friends say at least a 7 on the looks scale. I noticed you didn't mention where you land on that scale, you had better be above a five or I'm adding asshole to the list of attributes I imagine you have._

_Your doctor father and his needles scare me more than your cop brother. My father is a police chief so bring him on, I grew up with whatever he hopes to scare me with. I would offer to bring my own handcuffs but since I don't plan on participating in any 'extra fiancée duties' they would be wasted. Unless, you expect me to make a citizen's arrest of your mother for public drunkenness._

_Make the travel arrangements, since you know where we may be going and I don't. I need to know more about what you told your family for my and 'our' story to be believable and I won't send a picture of me unless you send one of yourself first. I neither need nor want your money, it makes me feel like a hooker but if it makes you feel better feel free to donate it to a worthy cause._

_Contrary to what this response may suggest I am actually shy, especially when meeting new people. I'm sure I am capable of not embarrassing you or myself while getting you off the hook with your family._

_Bella_

Jessica and Angela were reading over my shoulder and they didn't sound happy about the 'tone' of my response. I didn't care and hit send before they could change anything.

"Bitchy much there Bella?" Jessica ask with some snark in her tone.

"I responded to the ad. Now let's see if he gets in touch with me or not."

"I wouldn't if I was him." Angela pointed out, adding her two cents.

"Well, as Jessica pointed out, the rules said I had to respond. No one ever stated that I had to be nice about it when I did." Judging from the glare I was receiving, they didn't like having their words thrown back at them.

Three days later his response arrived in my new email account.

_Bella –_

_I must admit your response was…entertaining. After I recovered from the shock of reading it I also realized, it was the most honest response I received from any the postings of my ad. While I'm sorry you lost a bet, I have to tell you that I think your loss is my gain and it should prove to be an interesting weekend. Now on to your response._

_Yes I'm sure I want a woman. I did say female. I thought women could be considered handsome also._

I snorted at that comment. A woman being called handsome seemed liked a code word for ugly in guy speak.

_I'm not a Doogie Howser, and it amazes me that you know that old sitcom. I'm 28 and in my last year of residency, actually by the trip I will be a full-fledged doctor. My friends tell me I'm definitely a five or better on the hotness scale and judging by the women I have hitting on me I would agree with them. _

"I'm adding narcissistic manwhore to the list." I told my friends.

_Leave your cuffs at home, as I stated 'extra fiancé duties' are not a requirement and please do not arrest my mother. My schedule is very hectic for the coming weeks and I don't think I will have the time to meet you before the airport. I had to pick up extra shifts to make up for taking the time off at all. We will be together on the plane for 5 ½ hours, I think that will be plenty of time to get our story straight. I bought us tickets on a Delta flight leaving at 12:35pm on Thursday with a return flight on Tuesday._

_I attached my picture so you would know what I look like and meet me at the Delta counter on Thursday at 11:00 for our flight. Please send me your picture and let me know if there are any problems with flight arrangements._

_Thank you for doing this and I will donate the money to the charity of your choice as soon as we return to Seattle._

_Edward Cullen_

The three of us huddled around the computer as I clicked on the attachment and then, holy fuck.

"Damnnnn, he's fucking hot Bella." Jessica drooled a little, I think. "I would dye my hair for him if you don't want to go."

"No, Bella is doing this," Angela said, shutting Jessica down, "but that picture does explain why he comes off as a bit of an asshole." I turned around and gave her a confused look. "He looks like that and is a doctor, how could he not have a small God complex." I snorted at her assessment, her inner psychologist was showing.

I sent him a picture of me and in the following weeks we hashed out our story through emails. By the time the fateful Thursday rolled around I almost felt bad for not being completely honest with him about some things. Like, the fact that I didn't live in Seattle or what I actually did for a living. Reminding myself he was lying to his family squashed those feelings quickly. With wishes of good luck from the girls I set out for SEA-TAC airport.

I picked him out of the crowd easily and patted myself on the back when I didn't flinch or get uncomfortable when he hugged me. Physical contact would be expected over the weekend so we held hands and practiced casual touching in the airport to get comfortable with each other. Waiting to board the plane, in the VIP lounge no less, I ask the question I was dying to know the answer to.

"I have to ask Edward, if you told your family we have been engaged for seven months and dating for a year before that, how is it possible they never insisted on meeting your mystery woman? For that matter, how did they let you off the hook with such little information about her?"

"When I first said I had a girlfriend I told them it was new and I didn't want to put pressure on us or the relationship. Then I would say she had family obligations or I had to work, once it was her mother dying. Like I said Bella, I'm a very good liar and my family is slightly nuts and very involved in their own lives. To expand the lie and spin a web of them has been very easy, until my father insisted that we come to this reunion so he could finally meet the girl that stole my heart."

"Okay, but why not have the two of you break up before July rather than continuing the lie? And when you said you were engaged didn't they want to at least talk to her?"

"Yes they wanted to and a female friend of mine got on the phone with them and acted as my girlfriend. If I told them we broke up before this reunion they would all bring single friends or daughters of friends and I would spend it avoiding the women instead of enjoying time with my family. My schedule as a resident is very hectic, my father understands this, and I think that is the main reason they haven't pushed harder to meet her. Now that my residency is over, they expect to get to know her and probably try talking wedding to her as well." He laughed at the expression on my face at that statement.

"Don't worry just keep things vague, ideas we have been discussing and I'll do the same. In a few weeks I'll say we broke up and that should buy me sympathy until Christmas."

Edward actually wasn't such a bad guy. He was cocky and confidence definitely wasn't an issue but under it all I think he created a girl for his family's benefit more than his own. He didn't want them to worry and judging from some of his comments he wasn't lacking for female company when he wanted it.

"Who all will I be meeting this weekend?"

"As I mentioned it is a family reunion, kinda. My parents of course, Carlisle and Esme, my brother Garrett and his wife, Kate, will be there with their two kids, Robert and Stephen. They are twins, 10 years old and trouble seems to follow in their path. Garrett is 15 years older than me." I raised my eyebrows at the age difference.

"You could say I was a late life surprise for my parents. My sister, Tanya, is 10 years older than me and she will be there with her husband, William, and their five-year-old daughter, Irina. Tanya is quite the fashionista, so don't be surprised when she tries to dress you and go through your luggage for the weekend. Various aunts, uncles, and distant relatives will be in attendance, as well as, several of my parents' friends and their family's from when they lived in Forks." That caught my attention.

"You lived in Forks? Washington?"

"No, the family had moved from Washington to New York by the time I was born but my father's family had or rather has a vacation home in Forks. When he started out as a doctor he started in the Forks hospital. There is an Indian reservation close and one of his studies had to do with Native Americans."

"Oh, are their friends still in Forks?"

"I don't know. I don't think so. Do you know Forks? It is a tiny town."

"I know, I grew up in Forks." It was his turn to raise his eyebrows. "Small world."

"Very small. Did you like growing up in a small town. I have only lived in large cities, I can't begin to imagine living in a town that size."

"I did, although it always seemed that everyone it town knew your business and gossiping was an art form. I actually moved to the reservation for two years when I was 16 and my father was killed while on duty." I caught the surprised look on his face and decided it couldn't hurt to give him a little more information.

"I told you my dad was a police chief?" He nodded. "I should probably give you a brief rundown of my history. My mother and father married young and had me right away. My mother wasn't ready for a baby or small town life, she left us when I was two years old. My father tried his best but, he worked a lot and didn't know anything about raising a girl. Between his work and his love of fishing I learned to occupy myself at a young age, then I fell in love with books."

"Right, you said you worked in a publishing house."

"Yes I work with a publishing house," I confirmed. "I was a nerd in high school Edward. A bookworm that totally blew the grading curve and was picked on because of it."

"Bullied?" He seemed surprised. "I guess I figured that didn't happen in a small school." I couldn't help but laugh.

"I think in some ways it is worse the smaller the school. I mean the size of the pond is much smaller for everything."

"Was it bad?"

"It was the normal amount of teasing most people get until 7th grade. A new family moved to town and their twins ruled the school quickly. They had looks, money, and the kind of confidence you never see in new kids. I was the nerdy daughter of the police chief. I didn't have the newest clothes or know anything about being a girl. I was an easy target. Another new family moved to Forks in 8th and 9th grade, they all hooked up and, yeah, high school wasn't good for me until I moved to the reservation. What was your high school experience like?"

"Typical I think. I wasn't picked on but I didn't pick on anyone. I played baseball but wasn't considered a jock, I like music and play piano, I kept to myself. My cousins moved away in middle school but I had other friends and I think it was…typical."

"So, you didn't become a girl magnet until college than?" I asked with a smirk.

"What makes you think I was a girl magnet?"

"Are." I said and received a confused look for him. "Not was but are a girl magnet. Would you prefer the terms player or man-ho perhaps."

"I'm neither of those things, thank you very much." He tried to sound indignant but couldn't quite pull it off.

"Sorry," I said but obviously didn't mean. "Be honest. Those terms could never be used to describe you or you work to many hours now to be one of those things?" I interrupted him before he could get anything out. "And remember, in the world of Google and blogs, lying is not an option." That had him snapping his mouth shut. "I thought so."

"Okay, so maybe in college I discovered sex and girls and the joys of drunken sex. It doesn't make me a bad person Bella."

"I didn't say it did and I don't think you're a bad person, but if this weekend is going to work at all you have to be honest with me. A man-ho reputation is something a fiancée would know about."

We spent the rest of the flight perfecting our story as much as possible. Edward seemed to be a good guy but the way he talked about some of his relatives, it was weird, almost like hero worship. I knew I could put up with him for a weekend and he was definitely easy on the eyes.

It was late when we arrived in the Hamptons, the only person still awake was his father, Carlisle. Edward obviously had very good genes in his family. I had been warned that we would be put in the same bedroom and was fine with that, I could share a bed with a guy and not molest him. After promising a tour of everything in the morning we climbed into bed and were out like a light.

I woke the next morning to Edward snoring in my ear and a whispered conversation going on between the two boys I could feel staring at me.

"I'm telling you Uncle Edward is totally doing her. She's hot how could he not be fucking her."

Nice little boys, I thought. Before I could say anything two things happened. Edward groaned and rolled over, then he screamed like a girl. I hadn't noticed his niece was on his side of the bed, very close, staring at his face.

"Get out!" He yelled at the room in general and I laughed.

"Let the games begin." He mumbled and pulled me close to him for a few more hours sleep.

**A/N: This was one of my entries for the Craigslist contest. Didn't win anything but had fun participating.**

**As always, I do not own Twilight or its characters but I do have fun with them.**

**I'm working on the next chapter of House of Hope and Human Sexuality. I must admit the pulling of fic's here and my Explorer not being compatible at TWCS at the moment would make lovely excuses the truth is HOH is coming to a close and I always have a problem saying good bye to characters I like, so I tend to put it off, I have entered a couple of one shot contests, and the lemons in HS aren't as easy to write as you may think. Thanks for sticking with me, I truly appreciate it.**

**The two anonymous contests are:**

** driventodesirechallenge. blogspot - remove the spaces**

**Every picture tells a story www. random-fandom - remove spaces**

**Hint: Mine is the one with the… I can't tell you that it's anonymous, you'll have to guess. Have fun reading and go vote.**


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